2021 Possibilities
What a year 2020 has been! Let’s focus more on the possibilities for 2021 and renewing and restoring ourselves. Whether we are amid a pandemic or not, loneliness and social isolation are a big issue in this country. It has been exasperated during the challenges of 2020. Even before the pandemic, loneliness has been referred to as a massive and deadly epidemic. Is just being alone the cause of loneliness? Can finding personal fulfillment be a factor in combatting loneliness? Let's pursue that possibility?
Connections Taken For Granted
The winter months in the colder climates can increase the isolation and loneliness due to the weather and people staying indoors more. It is quite amazing all of the things we took for granted about our social connections that have been restricted as a result of the pandemic. Think about the chance encounter you had in the grocery store when you met someone you hadn’t seen in a while and had a chance to catch up. That connection feeds us! And what about the after-church uplifting conversations or the new exercise buddy you connected with at the gym. How about the connections you had at work? These connections were all taken away or at least minimized during the pandemic with crushing effects on our mental health.
Together – Healing Power
Our former surgeon general, Vivek Murthy, M.D., wrote a wonderful book titled, “Together- The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World." He notes that humans are wired for social connection and we are better together. Some things hold us back from these connections beyond what has been written about such as living far away from family, technology, and our drive to prioritize financial and material success over personal satisfaction and relationships. There is also clear evidence and research that loneliness can increase health issues. It is believed that loneliness is as harmful as smoking.
What Is Loneliness and Social Isolation
Dr. Murthy notes that loneliness is not just being alone, it’s the sense that you are lacking the connections you need. A Brigham Young University, psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad has been reviewing the positive effects of relationships and found that people with strong relationships are not just less likely to die earlier than those with weak relationships but there are 50% less likely to die early.
What are the factors that contribute to loneliness and social isolation? It could be not having the right mix of relationships or an intimate connection with just one or two people who support you We need a variety of types of connections and not just family. Our modern technology keeps us online versus in personal connection with others many times and can create that “fear of missing out” and “compare and despair syndrome. These online connections are not always supportive or authentic.
Fulfillment: Is It A Remedy for Loneliness?
Have you considered how achieving personal fulfillment is related to loneliness? Our culture has taught us that fulfillment and happiness come from having wealth, status, many friends, possessions, etc. We all know people that have these wonderful gifts but are not happy, connected, or fulfilled. Although social connections with others are vital, the first step we can all take during these isolating times is to do some deeper work on how to be fulfilled from within. More fulfillment may just mean less loneliness because you have "filled yourself up". There is nothing more important than you!
There are some steps you can take to try and combat loneliness and social isolation (some may or may not be possible with the pandemic).
Assess if your feelings are temporary or long-standing and if professional help could be of benefit
Evaluate your personal and family relationships and if there are any conversations or suggestions you could make to connect regularly with one or two close connections.
Help and accept help, if needed
Embrace solitude as an opportunity to connect with yourself to your wonderful inner self
Listen carefully to each other
Try a new health habit that may connect you to others such as a walking group, breakfast club, knitting group, etc.
Balance your “screen time” with your “connections” time
Consider joining a new group or learning a new skill such as a language or painting
Ignite old friendships
Practice meditation/mindfulness to start to discover what fulfills you from the inside out.
Dr. Murthy delivered a powerful message in his book about it being possible to build a free society that is rooted in connection if we focus on the right values like KINDNESS....
After all we have gone through this year, I hope this is a message we can take with us during and after this pandemic into 2021. Think about all of the kindness shown by all the essential workers during this pandemic. We all could consider the following in a pandemic safe way to share kindness and increase our social connections, decrease loneliness, and improve our health:
Connect with neighbors to see if they need anything
Volunteer for an organization
Give yourself the gift of making a list of your positive qualities and those in your life and embrace solitude
Reach and help someone in need
Smile at a stranger and show kindness to those that provide you a service
Spend less time on electronics and more time “connecting”
We can be better together if we let go of the differences among us and focus on the fact that we are wired for connection to stay healthy and well. We can use our courage and strengths as a human race and unite to act in a positive way to help the poor, widowed, the suffering, and marginalized. We are better together and one small act of kindness can have a major impact!